laugh and healthy

Do not argue with an idiot. He is dragged down to their level and beat you with experience.


I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather .. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.



I asked God for a bike, but I know God does not work that way. So I stole a bike and asked forgiveness.


Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.


Women might be able to fake an orgasm. But men can fake a whole relationship


The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear talking.


If I agree that both would be wrong.


Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.


We never grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Children: You spend the first 2 years of his life teaching them to walk and talk. Then spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.


Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. Both should be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.


Having sex is like playing bridge. If you do not have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.


The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening News is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to say why not.